Life is a mirror, and we learn from the reflections that catch our gaze. The trick is to distinguish between what is ours and what is not. Some of what I see in another is not them. It is my own reflection. Others may see their issues reflected in me, but it is their stuff, not mine. Knowing how to identify what’s what is life changing. Even the process of discernment teaches immensely. We learn not to take on what isn’t ours and to own what is, and we become stronger in asserting our truth.
This lesson was recently delivered to me by our five year old son, Alex. He came to me crying because another child had called him mean. Now Alex had been kind to the other child, but had not done what was asked of him – to give away a favorite toy. In being called mean for this, Alex felt hurt and misunderstood, and I saw much of myself in his eyes.
I told him something to this effect, “Don’t listen to what others tell you, if you know that it’s not true. You know who you are, so be strong in yourself. Don’t let another person get you upset or make you feel like you have to defend yourself, because you know that you were kind.”
My son took the lesson to heart and bounded away happily. And in presenting me with this situation, he taught me something I’ve been trying to learn all my life. I have often reacted to what others say as though it’s the absolute truth, when I know very well that it is not. It is their reflection, not mine.
The legend of the Oracle at Delphi advises us to “Know thyself,” and this is the key to each spiritual journey. To get to know our true selves in this human experience requires digging deep rather than listening to how others define us. It means coming to a place where we can say, “I know who I am without the need for approval or validation.” It is fully believing in your true self – your non ego self, so that you get to live your life with integrity and the high standards of your loving soul.
In the past, I have not been strong in myself. I have shown a slightly different face to different people in order to please them. I have hoped that they will like me better, but ultimately this serves no one.
We don’t have to please anyone, and when we live with authenticity and integrity, we honor everyone. We become strong in ourselves, regardless of external circumstances. We shine with all of our magnificent colors blazing strong, unafraid of being judged or misunderstood, because we know who we are.
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Thank you Conrad for your support, encouragement and amazing self!
Imagine if we had the self-confidence of our forties when we were in our twenties!! I We could accomplish anything with this…my point is: give your kids all the self-confidence you can in their own judgment, like you did with Alex!
Oh so true T! What an amazing mom you are. Thanks for sharing here.
Full of wisdom. Thanks.
Thank you Diana. It has taken me a while to learn the truth but I am so grateful for the unfolding of it all,
Suzy
I have always been aware that you have known who you are for a long time. You have voiced your wisdom for all to read and learn from.
Thank you James. Life is truly an awakening process, with all its fog and revelation.
I must state that I probably learned at least as much from my children as I taught them. Your mirror analogy is also quite apt as applied to children. It is a time for self-reflection when you correct one of your kids for something, only to later realize that the unacceptable behavior might well have originated from your example.
You have spoken directly to me with this Posting. I am constantly in conflict with my perceived need for validation from others. Thank you (I think) for reminding me of a subject which I certainly need to work harder to address.
Excellent and perceptive as always.
I love the way you say this about your children teaching you and being mirrors, reflecting perhaps shadow as well as light.
I feel called to tell each one of us how incredibly special we are. I feel that we’ve been denied so much of our self worth in this ego world, and thus we require validation. Oh I have known this need so well!
Thank you for your thoughtfulness, honesty and insight here Hawk.
Suzy,
To me this is your best and most important blog. Thank you for sharing your insight on this topic. To me it takes a lot of courage and determination to realize ourselves, self-actualization, and there are so many levels of actualization. The challenge, as always, is our ego.
Oh you are so right about the ego. Again and again, it tries to control us. I love what you say about levels of actualization. I am so grateful for your voice here. Thank you Donna!
my sentiments exactly.. and a lesson I’ve been reminded a lot of lately. reminds me of one of my favourite quotes “What other people think of me is none of my business” :) Elissa
Oh I love this quote Elissa! I will keep this in mind while navigating through life. Thank you so much for sharing here,
Suzy