Last week, I was helping at the front desk of our children’s school, when my past came back to haunt me. A former friend came walking into the lobby, when I least expected to see her. Now this was someone I had once befriended with open arms, only to feel subsequently wounded by. And, interestingly enough, my intuition had warned me that she was going to teach me a very important lesson.
But until now, I hadn’t been able to pinpoint what that was. That day at school, with nowhere to hide, I put my finger on it. The lesson was acceptance.
Although I’d had such high hopes for this friendship, it turned out to be a brief one. When things ended with more drama than I’m used to, I found myself feeling mistreated and publicly misjudged, all by someone I was still getting to know. But one year later, I see that from the beginning, I’d harbored expectations that could never be fulfilled. As a pleaser, I’d given way too much of myself and expected similar giving in return. My disappointment led to feeling hurt, when I could have been discerning instead. Most of all, from the start I had assumed this person was who she is not.
In order to see this, I have had to put my judgment aside. I have had to say to this friend in my heart, “I expected things from you that just don’t resonate with who you are. You tried to show me yourself all along, but I didn’t see you. Now I am willing to see you, and I can accept your unique gifts. Most of all, I thank you for the growth you have given me.” Doing this has enabled me to let go of being right, and finally I no longer feel wronged.
Taking this lesson to heart, I see that every one of us does things a certain way, but it’s not the “right” way. It’s just ours. So often in life, we want specific actions from others, and we get disappointed when they behave differently than we hoped. But what we have overlooked are the things that they do provide, generously and willingly. We have forgotten to appreciate them and their special talents that are so different from our own. When we remove judgment, we can accept how amazing everyone is.
Of course, it’s important to be discerning about the energy that we allow around us, but we never have to judge it. When we refrain from judgment, we see that everyone can be a spiritual teacher on our path.
And by this I mean that we are all serving each other life lessons on silver platters. We are handing out engraved invitations to change our limiting beliefs. If we can make ourselves open to receive these lessons, we realize just how life-changing they are. We appreciate the bearers of this growth.
One of the most healing things that we can do while here is to accept each other exactly as we are. The beauty of life is to let life live and allow it to surprise with magic we never imagined. And ultimately, as with everything, acceptance is about unconditional love. We must stop expecting love from others and then judge them when they don’t deliver it. Expect love from yourself instead, because you are the love you seek. And this is who you have always been on your profound journey home.
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