Our dear friend Françoise recently shared on this blog that how we perceive our personal challenges can lead to internal suffering. She illuminated the idea for me that misperception is entwined with judgment. It stems from the self, making a prison of our own design.
To quote Francoise: “We are meaning-making machines, and when we judge anything to be bad or good, we only define ourselves.” I think this is so true. we are trained in our society to be for or against situations, ourselves, and each other. We separate what we see into good and bad, making one person right and another wrong. We form negative and positive judgments that include one human only to exclude the other – hero versus villain, golden child vs. black sheep, and us vs. them. Neither position sits well with the soul.
Peace mediator Dr. Marshall Rosenberg writes: “Sadly, we’ve been educated for all these years in this world of moralistic judgments; of retributive justice; of punishment, reward, and “deserve.” We’ve internalized this language of judgments, and it’s hard for us to stay connected to the beauty of what we are within that framework.” In this way, judgment perpetuates conflict.
Many schools of wisdom teach us to embody compassion, or the opposite of judgment, so that we can live in spiritual peace. They teach us to take charge of our thoughts and stop reactive thinking. Because when we think about anything and categorize it into our minds, we tend to form opinions. We begin to make assumptions that reflect our own desires and issues. And our egos believe they are the truth.
Our judgments gain momentum as we get emotionally attached to what we tell ourselves. And pretty soon, we start criticizing others in order to defend our misperceptions. This is how judgment takes flight in our conversations and relationships, and how it causes suffering. But judgment is only a creation of the mind and a projection of the self.
I believe that self-judgment is responsible for the judgments we place on others, but self-love provides the solution. By learning to fully love every part of ourselves, we lose the desire to hurt ourselves. This means we no longer need to hurt others. We then know how to empathize completely with the people we encounter and no longer find the need to judge them. We recognize judgment and choose to disengage.
It’s important to realize that when we judge, we are asking others to fulfill our judgments. We are closing our hearts and narrowing our experience, and this disconnects us from our fellow humans and from divine possibilities of joy and illumination. When we judge, we suffer, adding to the conflict on our planet.
You see, every time that I compare one human to another, and especially to myself, I limit myself with judgement. But how can we compare when we are each one of a kind? We are growing in diverse ways and will never find sameness. Instead, we can accept and respect each person in their entirety, allowing them to be exactly as they are. We can notice their unique abilities and gifts. We can recognize the spiritual beauty within everyone.
The conditional love of judgment creates inhuman standards. We will never be able to meet them. But our judgments are not us. As shaman Dr. Don Miguel Ruiz teaches, they are simply stories, and we have the power to let them go.
When we recognize another’s conditioning and see our own judgment in turn, we find that judgment is only a charade. We become more responsible with our energy by choosing to appreciate rather than criticize.
Ruiz tells us that love is the antidote to judgment. It is the real reality beyond rampant thoughts. Love reminds us to simply observe with acceptance instead of exchanging judgment.
Letting go of judgment brings incredible freedom. When we remove judgment from our lives, we become open to unconditional love. I believe that this is what we are here to learn from this challenging human experience.
Share the Spiritual 
I love this blog. I can’t remember where I heard this, but somehow it seems appropriate to share.
“There is no right or wrong, only thinking makes it so.”
Please keep sharing your words with us Suzy.
What a beautiful quote Susan! Thank you for sharing here.
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its shame, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Thank you for sharing this legendary Desiderata poem. Great advice for any age.
Definitely a challenging one for me.
James Barrett has raised a very interesting point (in a separate email.) Is compassion a form of judgment?
To learn non-judgment of others and self, to share unconditional love, these are traits of true Spiritual Enlightenment. Having achieved such ideals we may truly, as you so ably state, “recognize judgment and choose to disengage”. Your Blog is a reminder to me of important traits which I need to engage and address. Thank You.
Thank you for your writing Suzanne. Feels like you are going deeper in your discovery (and inviting us to explore our own). I really like James Barrett’s question of “is compassion a form of judgement?” Wow! I love the conversation here!
I want to add to my email comment to Suzy. I truly think and believe in the depth of my humanity that compassion comes from who you are. So to be compassionate you would have to come from a place of judgement. To judge that another needed your act of compassion. If one lives a life of compassion there is no need to “show” it as that is who you “be”.
I have a life that was not always a life of compassion. War, hate and terror were my companions for a long time. Sometime in the middle of july 1985 I was awakened!! The person that you know was born in july 1985…I am as they say a young soul. I have nothing but love and compassion for everyone and hopefully I am a light for those who are wandering aimlessly on their own human journey.