We all need to be heard, but how many of us are really listening? I am trying to work on my own listening skills, and I’m realizing just how challenging this is.
When I am talking with someone about their life, I find myself wanting to relate to their issues and show that I understand – I want to ease their struggles and even fix their problems, but these are my desires, not theirs. When I jump in to share a similar story or to offer advice, I’m not really helping another. I am speculating about things that only they can solve.
What I think this person needs most is to be heard and valued within the safety of compassion. They certainly don’t need words or interjections. You see, we can communicate so much without saying a thing.
A healthy conversation seems to strike that harmonious balance between giving voice to our authentic selves while truly hearing what others have to say. Listening and being heard then become a kind of mindful exchange. I have been so blessed with friendships that are loving and therapeutic, and what works so well is that we speak from the heart with gentle offerings, not impositions. We give empathy and encouragement, and we are truly listening to each other.
I love the way my dear friend Rosary says that we are holding the space to be present with another. Let us cherish the time with our loved ones by simply listening to the moment rather than letting it slip away amidst distraction. September 11th is such a poignant reminder of this.
But, what about listening that involves negativity? I think it is vital to be discerning about the energy we give and receive, and to strive for the highest exchange possible. If it doesn’t feel elevating, don’t be a co-creator of it (note to self!).
And it’s so important to be aware of ego competition when talking with others, something Garth Stein points out beautifully in his endearing book The Art of Racing in the Rain. He writes from the perspective of a beloved dog who sees that humans continually interrupt one another. We often deflect what others are saying and we steal each other’s stories. Stein reminds us of the importance of being silent so that another can fully express themselves. We are there for them rather than thinking about how our own problems relate. It’s about being secure in knowing that our issues are as important, instead of trying to prove it.
With listening comes the sacred quality of silence, something that I truly crave. We are so crazed in this modern world with our noisy busy-ness, talking endlessly as we move from one stimulus to another. We are swimming in a sea of constant interruption. I want to be more still, and in that stillness, to hear the spiritual world. I want to receive the present moment and pay attention to what God is trying to tell me.
So often, life-changing messages are delivered by the people we encounter, if only we make ourselves open to them. Let us quiet the chatter of our minds so that we can listen to these messages with our hearts rather than our heads. Let us also listen to ourselves by putting the practice of meditation into our lives. We can find peace within this hectic society by stopping to hear our own compassionate voices. This is how we receive the wisdom of our ancient souls.
Share the Spiritual 
I love the reference of the beloved dog who notices that we humans constantly interrupt each other. Over the last couple of years, I’ve become so aware of it, and I catch myself interrupting. I’m definitely working on just listening. Thank you Suzanne for the reminder! I love it!
You are a beautiful listener Francoise! When I wrote about authentic voices and hearing what others have to say I was thinking of you. I catch myself interrupting too and I want to work on that harmonious balance. What an incredible friend you are!
To have the wisdom and insight that Enzo has would be heavenly. To know that
to listen whole-y and completely is an art form that I have been practicing and
practicing for years and still do not listen or interrupt. I am painfully aware that there are times when I do not listen to the whole thing that another is speaking and “jump” to my own picture of what they are speaking of. Like Francoise I
am working on just listening. Suzanne I am in gratitude for your reminder.
Oh you raise such a vital point – that we form our own pictures of what another is saying. Isn’t that so true! I tend to form these pictures around my own specific issues, but we are all distinctly unique and going through completely different things. …I love the way you say that listening is an art form. Beautiful. Thank you for your incredible listening and sharing here James.
Don’t think of what’s being said,
but of what’s talking.
Malice? Ignorance? Pride? Love?
The goal of the hero’s journey
is yourself, finding yourself
JOSEPH CAMPBELL
Reflections on the Art of Living
I was on my way to becoming a psychiatrist and learned to be a good listener. Then I was diagnosed with mental illness so now my therapist has become the listener and I appreciate it so much. Outside of my sessions, I still am the listener to my friends and family. Such an important trait to carry. Wonderful blog!
What a true gift you give to your friends. Thank you for sharing here.
Suzy
I am smitten by your phrase, the sacred quality of silence. There is wisdom in those true moments of pure silence. It is, of course a necessary component of listening to other mortals speak. However, it is even more important in our communication with the Universe and as you so aptly state, our ancient souls.
Thank you for sharing here! I’m trying to find stillness in this changing world and it is challenging. I must remember that it is always within, waiting for us.
Of all the traits that get over looked is listening. Not just listening on the surface of the conversation, the trees in the forest, the water moving down a steam but listening into the depth of the words, the sounds and the movement of life.
We human beings have forgotten the rewards that come with this deep listening. When we all listen into the depth of life we once again wake up to the beauty of life.
What truth James! and so beautifully written. I’ll re-read it several times. Thank you.