Sometimes I think that life is just one giant lesson in compassion. It seems to me that we’re continually given very challenging opportunities to choose this higher route amidst overwhelming difficulties. This spurs our spiritual growth.
Compassion is the opposite of pity, and it isn’t even empathy. It is trying to feel on a completely equal level what another is going through. Compassion recognizes that we all struggle and wants to ease our suffering. Compassion knows that we are all connected, ultimately, with unconditional love.
We hear these two words a lot, but what exactly does unconditional love mean? I think it is loving and accepting everyone, including ourselves, exactly as we are. It is loving without expectations, competition, or judgment. It is viewing humanity from a higher perspective that sees the big picture – that sees the connection of God within each of us. Unconditional love looks upon each person as though they are our own children.
With unconditional love, the critical eye is replaced by a loving one. And this love is not something we have to earn. We deserve it, and our souls naturally operate this way. They remember this love from before we become conditioned by the human experience.
So often in life, compassion and unconditional love are the missing ingredients. But how do we realistically practice them?
Perhaps we can start by remembering that every day is an opportunity to step into another’s shoes and feel their struggle. It is a chance to ask, “How can I help this person and give more love in this situation, in a higher way that values both of us?” The growth and fulfillment that follow are miraculous.
For myself, I try to embrace my emotions that care deeply – that don’t want to look the other way or be distracted by my ego. I try to remove any superiority that might be lurking in my personality, and I work on forgiveness by letting go. I try (try!) to put judgment aside, and interestingly enough, when I stop judging myself, I stop judging others.
You see, when we quit the blame game and put an end to comparing, we start appreciating how uniquely beautiful each person is.
One exercise that can help us to feel compassion is to envision an angel’s loving arms around those who’ve upset us. When I picture the person I’m at odds with being embraced by a higher love, the anger melts away, and I see our common humanity.
The definition of relent is to relax severity and yield to compassion. We need not be so serious and demanding with each other down here, myself included. After this past emotional winter, where I feel so many of us have been working through our unresolved issues, I’ve been experiencing some sudden, natural compassion. It feels light and effortless, like much of the judgment and heaviness is gone. I’m feeling a lot of gratitude for everyone, and embracing all of our quirks, faults and darkness with loving acceptance. Now it seems so simple – we just have to help each other as we work through our personal journeys, our sensitivities, and inherited legacies. These voyages require patience and love.
One ancient and deeply moving story that captures this for me is the biblical passage of Jesus washing his disciples feet. It is full of heart wrenching symbolism that speaks to love, forgiveness, and faith. My dear twin sister tells me it’s about teaching us to lovingly, humbly serve one another, without superiority or squabbling. He is showing us the holiness in taking care of each other, before that ultimate, indescribable suffering and transcendence.
There is a beautiful Mayan expression “In Lak Ech,” or “I am another you.” We are each other, and I am striving to feel towards every person I meet. I am striving to say: “I believe in the beauty and the excellence of you, despite our differences – despite the illusion of separation that limits us.” I think limitation is our biggest obstacle, and our evolution depends upon widening our view to how limitless, benevolent, and connected we are at the core. Compassion is already within us, ready to be remembered.
Share the Spiritual 
Compassion is the demostration of our oneness. Living in our Divine Mind we are love and express that love in each and every feeling, thought and action.
I adore the Mayan expression. Thank you for sharing that. What rang true to me….something you wrote very calmly, almost as a “what if”…was “…look upon each person, including ourselves, as though they are our own children. ”
I love this idea, but we then have to start teaching how to be better parents too:) lol
I must be in a feisty mood or something. I too have felt and thought everything you write about, like I must practice and practice and practice compassion to be a better human being, to grow spiritually and to experience being more connected to a higher vibration. So is it really supposed to be that much work and require that much practice to be compassionate?
Aren’t we just naturally compassionate when we are connected to ourselves and to our higher source? Certainly we feel the pain of others, as we feel our own pain. We are not numb yet, and different experiences will touch us deeply and we feel compassion as being part of our entire humanity. I remember wanting to sponsor a child for 10 cents a day every time I saw the commercial on TV when I was 10 years old. Ironically, I went on to sponsor many children for over 15 years, but that’s not the point I’m making. The point is that I’ve had deep compassion all along!
Maybe I’ve reached a point here though, where I’m no longer patient. I used to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and buy their story, and feel for them and on and on and on. And with some people, I’m still listening to the same sob story; it’s the same complaint. At this point, I’m being inauthentic, and most likely so are they. It’s the same story I’m listening to, and it’s no longer even happening anymore. The story they (and I) have been complaining about is just a story from the past that we keep retelling. Some of us love the drama, but it’s not serving us!
What I find, is that I am compassionate, and understanding, and very willing to listen, but then I don’t necessarily want to hear the same story over and over again, and when I share an alternate viewpoint, or invite someone into a world that offers more possibility and a shedding of current limitations, oftentimes it’s the other person who doesn’t really want to give up their complaint or their position. They are still getting some payoff in return for staying stuck in that position (this is something they may not even see). They are not yet willing to let go and move into a new space. That’s when I lose my patience. So, yes, I’m compassionate, and then it’s “what are you now going to do about it?”
So, while compassion is necessary, and I believe natural if we are truly living life in service of others, rather than ourselves, then the higher question for me now is, what stand am I willing to be for the other person, for whom I am compassionate, to move past their sorrow, their grief, their anger, their complaint, their stuckness? Who am I willing to be for this person I’m compassionate about? And then add unconditional love. So now, here is someone I love unconditionally, I say I truly care about and I have compassion for them. Am I just going to continue to agree with them about their pain, and say, “yes, I understand and I’m so sorry” and walk away and do nothing (because it’s easier for me to do that), or am I going to say “yes, I get it all the way, how bad this is and how awful it feels, and let’s move forward together.” This is actually the more difficult place to stand, because often we don’t really want to be responsible, to take it on to be straight with another, although it might make the biggest difference in their lives. We stay in our own comfort zone to practice compassion and we think we are doing something highly spiritual. What I am finding is that those people who stand for my greatness by being brutally honest with me make the biggest difference in my life. Compassion yes! I want it too, but only for a short time while my pain is real. Then, please be honest with me, and help me to move forward.
I guess I’m getting to a point where I notice that repeated compassion for the same thing, the same story, becomes an inauthentic place to stand, and that’s perhaps where my patience runs out, and perhaps my compassion too. But, in that moment, when it’s no longer authentic, why on earth should I practice and work at having more compassion? The inquiry here is to see what’s wanted and needed to make a difference to the other person. It may or may not make a difference, depending on the other’s ability to receive. Maybe it is more compassion, and it will reveal itself in truth. Or maybe it’s saying, it’s time to move past this because more compassion is not the answer, and if you love someone unconditionally you don’t just settle for them to stay where they are, but rather, you lead them to leap to their next level of greatness.
Well, I’ve never written anything this bold in my life. Clearly something got touched with this post and I love it that it had me sit down and write what’s so real for me in this moment!
Thank you Suzanne for providing a space for honest, powerful conversation!
Thank you so much everyone for sharing your wisdom and personal thoughts, and for exploring compassion in inspiring ways. Francoise, you raise such a good life question and I loved our phone conversation about it all! We were talking about how the nature of compassion can not try to fix anything, but lets people be exactly as they are. But, you bring to light the incredible importance of truth. The deepest truth is always loving, and I feel we have to go deeply into the heart when trying to help others. From my own experience, I realize that the very person I might want to communicate truth to, may end up illuminating truth in my own life, more than any other. Thank you for sharing and asking these questions here!
I wrote this poem for LAURA – When I dream I dream of you. When I dream I dream of the two of us growing old and being with each other into eternity. When I dream I dream that the words we chose will be understood by each other. When I dream of Love, Peace & Harmony together today and always.
The dream of life, and the oneness of each other. Nicely put.
So, for several days after my last reply to compassion, I realized that I do indeed want to practice compassion. I was wondering why it wouldn’t just come naturally, and then I realized that I intentionally practice gratitude, well-being, mindful eating, so why not compassion. And, whereas it begins with an intention, eventually it becomes a natural way of being, and that’s where we can embrace each other just where we are. Thank you Suzy for our enlightening conversation!